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| In spite of all that's happened in 2020, I'm still here. Never giving up my goal to one day become a full-fledged independent game developer. |
Let's face it: the year 2020 has sucked for a lot of us due to the COVID-19 pandemic. In one form or another, we have all felt the effects on our health, our sanity, and our daily lives by the virus, the media/Internet-fueled panic, and the various measures taken by this country's state governments in an attempt to prevent further infections. Many lives have been lost to the virus including those of our family and friends. Various businesses have been forced to adapt to various social distancing measures, sanitation protocols, and stay-at-home orders in order to keep running. The businesses that could not, including various nonessential ones like comic book shops and movie theaters, went under. Many people have had their jobs impacted or lost. And here I am just trying going about my daily life while also looking for ways to get my video game development career off the ground during this whole mess. And while me and my family have been fortunate enough to not be infected by COVID-19, I honestly wish things could've been better during 2020 in more ways than just staying healthy and sane.
In spite of everything that went wrong in 2020, my goal to become an independent game developer and designer has not changed. But things have a way of not going exactly according to plan. Despite my best efforts, I have not been able to get much done in ways of honing my game development skills, writing articles and blog posts like this one, and creating my own video games. The slow rate of productivity is compounded by various distractions on the Internet and real life, time management issues, and irregular sleep patterns in which I sometimes get out off bed at close to or after 12 PM. These factors, combined with the way my autistic brain functions, have resulted in loss of focus, feelings of laziness, and an inability to act on my inspirations.
You may think this situation would call for some sort of life coach or mentor, perhaps even having me be in a team to get me motivated. But I'd like to say that, first of all, it's discipline that I've been having an issue with, not motivation. Second of all, I've long concluded that being a solodev (a Twitter-based acronym that stands for solo game developer) is my best and only option. As difficult as that sounds, I have my reasons for pursuing game development alone instead of being in a development company or team. One of them is that I have issues working in and communicating with teams due in large part to the social difficulties that are a part of my autism. Another is that the risks of working in any company let a long a game development company (including destructive crunch culture, narcissist employees/employers,...) far exceed the rewards for me. The information I received by watching YouTube videos and reading articles from various industry and pop culture sources has convinced me of that. And given the various perks of working from my computer here at home, it's only logical that I don't necessarily pursue my career goal via the traditional work-in-a-company approach.
Speaking of working from my computer, I haven't spent too much time surfing on the Internet for no reason. In my time on the Internet, I kept my eyes peeled for anything I could use for my game development, including dev articles, game engines, various content creation software tools, and various YouTube videos covering a wide range of tutorials and topics relating to various programming languages, AI, 2D and 3D art, graphic design, animation, UI/UX design, writing, etc, which I've been saving and organizing into various playlists so I can watch them later. In short, my time on the computer hasn't been a complete waste. After all, an investment in knowledge produces the best interest, as Benjamin Franklin once said (apparently).
If I can discipline myself to focus on doing what needs to be done while minimizing my tendency to get distracted as much as humanly possible, I should be able to develop a regular consistent routine rather than waste my time wandering around the house inside my head. Once I get my self-discipline in order, I plan to get things moving in order to get my solodev career off the ground this year. This means no more fooling around or lazing about for me. And the first thing this calls for is addressing my irregular sleep patterns and time management. Once I get myself to go to bed at reasonable hours and get up as soon as I wake up, I should be able to give myself enough time to do concentrate my efforts on working on all of the skills I'll need to make my video games. If I do that more often, I'll be able to develop a regular basis of not only honing my skills, but also indulge myself in my various inspirational activities like reading various books, watching shows and movies on DVD, Blu-Ray, and various streaming services, and, of course, playing all of the video games I have in my collection. I had only recently realized that I've been lacking a true sense of regularity. That's the best logical explanation of my sluggish pace and limited productivity that I ever thought of in a while.
Other than working on my self-discipline, I'm all set in keeping my anxiety and echolalia in check thanks to my medications. I'm confident I'll be able to manage my finances well enough to purchase additional games, novels, comics, manga, DVDs, Blu-Rays, for my collections of inspiration as well as additional game development tools and software. I've always learned from my mistakes and the year 2020 is no exception. And with those lessons learned, the new year could be the one in which things finally start moving for me.
And to everyone whose lives have been affected by the COVID-19 pandemic, you have my condolences and sympathies. Here's to the new year and to better times.
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